Panembook: The Hunger Games
by devikaa
Summary: "Let's break it down, okay sweetheart? Accept. My. Friend. Request." Join the beloved characters of The Hunger Games as they experience the social network that makes us hate the people we know. Panembook.
1. Chapter 1

_**Katniss Everdeen**_ updated her location to **District 12.**

_**Katniss Everdeen **_added** Hunter **to her work/occupation.

_**Katniss Everdeen**_ is now friends with **Gale Hawthorne** and **Primrose Everdeen**.

* * *

_**Primrose Everdeen **_has listed **Buttercup** as her pet.

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen:** Damn that bloody cat. I swear it's going to die soon. I wish it drowned when I tried to speed up the process.

**Gale Hawthorne** likes this.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen: **District 12, where you can starve to death in safety.

**Gale Hawthorne** likes this.

* * *

**Gale** **Hawthorne **posted on **Katniss Everdeen's **wall: Hey Catnip!

**Katniss Everdeen **posted on** Gale Hawthorne's **wall: Don't call me that. Where did you get that loaf of bread?

**Gale Hawthorne **posted on** Katniss Everdeen's **wall: The baker down in the Town traded me a squirrel for it.

**Mr. Mellark** likes this.

**Katniss Everdeen** posted on **Gale Hawthorne's **wall: Uh, yeah. Prim left us this cheese.

**Gale Hawthorne **posted on** Katniss Everdeen's **wall: Thank you Prim! And Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds...

**Katniss Everdeen **posted on** Gale Hawthorne's **wall: Be ever in your favor! LOL

* * *

**Gale Hawthorne **sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: Let's run away together.

**Katniss Everdeen **sent** Gale Hawthorne **a private message: Are you crazy? What about our families?

**Gale Hawthorne** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: They could come too...

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Gale Hawthorne** a private message: Yeah, no. I'm never having kids.

**Gale Hawthorne** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: I would, if I didn't live here. Maybe even with you.

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Gale Hawthorne** a private message: What?

**Gale Hawthorne** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: EVEN WITH YU. Yu! This really hot chick in my grade. NOT YOU. I would NEVER have kids with you.

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Gale Hawthorne** a private message: I didn't realize I was such a bad option.

**Gale Hawthorne** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: This conversation is over.

* * *

_**Katniss Everdeen **_is now friends with **Greasy Sae** and **Madge Undersee**.

**Madge **sent** Katniss Everdeen **a private message: So, who's your friend? The one with the gorgeous dark hair, sterling grey eyes, and ooh, that beautiful olive skin?

**Katniss Everdeen **sent** Madge** a private message: Do you mean me?

* * *

**Greasy Sae: **Once it's in the soup, I call it beef!

**Katniss Everdeen **and** 74 others **like this.

* * *

**Gale Hawthorne** posted on **Madge's** wall: Pretty dress.

**Madge **posted on **Gale Hawthorne's **wall: Well, if I end up going to the Capitol, I want to look nice, don't I?

**Gale Hawthorne **posted on **Madge's **wall: Trust me babe, looking like that, you won't be going anywhere. ;)

**Haymitch Abernathy **likes this.

* * *

**Primrose Everdeen: **Quack!

**Rory Hawthorne **and** Katniss Everdeen **like this.

_Comments:_

**Rory Hawthorne: **Baby, when I was thirteen, I had my first love.

**Primrose Everdeen: **Stop it, Rory. My mother checks my account, she'll see this.

**Katniss Everdeen: **Aw. You're blushing.

**Gale Hawthorne: **Atta boy, Rory. You can have the bud, I'll have the flower.

**Mrs. Everdeen:** You make me swoon.

**Katniss Everdeen:** Ew. What the hell Hawthorne.

**Gale Hawthorne: **No! Noo! Sorry Mrs. Everdeen, you're really hot and pretty and everything... oh never mind.

* * *

**Effie Trinket: **Are you ready District 12?

_Comments:_

**Gale Hawthorne: **Someone shoot me. Please.

**Haymitch Abernathy **and** 1053 others **like this.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen: **Listening to the glorious history of our wonderful nation Panem. And how the Hunger Games is the Capitol's way of saying, "Good luck starting a rebellion now, suckers."

**Gale Hawthorne **and** 12 others **like this.

* * *

**Effie Trinket **posted on** Haymitch Abernath's **wall: Haymitch, behave yourself. Or I'll tie you up.

**Haymitch Abernathy** posted on **Effie Trinket's** wall: Wooooooooooooo. I like my girls fiesty.

**Gale Hawthorne **and** 692 others** like this.

* * *

**Effie Trinket: **Well, what an honor to be in this lovely District. :)

**Haymitch Abernathy: **The pleasure's all mine. ;)

**Katniss Everdeen **and** 430 **others like this.

* * *

**Effie Trinket:** Ladies first! Primrose Everdeen!

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen: **I VOLUNTEER! I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!

**Effie Trinket: **Lovely.

**Katniss Everdeen: **Oh fuck you.

**Effie Trinket: **Manners, young lady!

**Gale Hawthorne: **I'll take your manners and shove it up your...

**Haymitch Abernathy: **That is no way to talk to Ms. Trinket, young man.

**Effie Trinket: **Thank you, Haymitch.

**Haymitch Abernathy: **Besides, that's my job... *cough*

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy **sent** Katniss Everdeen **a friend request. Declined.

**Haymitch Abernathy **sent** Katniss Everdeen **a friend request. Declined.

**Haymitch Abernathy **sent** Katniss Everdeen **a friend request. Declined.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen: **That's right, I just got saluted. What now?!

**Effie Trinket:** Time to choose our boy tribute. Peeta Mellark!

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen: **Why...

**Mrs. Mellark: **Looks like we've finally got a winner!

**Peeta Mellark: **Thanks mum. That means a lot.

**Mrs. Mellark:** She's a fighter, that one.

**Rye Mellark: **And cute.

**Mr. Mellark: **Her aim is perfect, dead bulls-eye!

**Peeta Mellark:** Thank you dear family. Your support warms my heart. -.-''

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy **and** Peeta Mellark **are now friends.

**Haymitch **likes this.

_Comments:_

**Haymitch Abernathy:** You can't win the games by just a pretty face, you know.

**Peeta Mellark:** Didn't you?

**Haymitch Abernathy:** I like you.

**Peeta Mellark:** :)

**Katniss Everdeen: **Great, just great. Do I have to grovel for you to like me, Haymitch?

**Haymitch Abernathy: **Let's break it down, okay sweetheart? Accept. My. Friend. Request.

**Katniss Everdeen: **I don't do friends.

**Peeta Mellark: **What about you and Gale? Or Madge? Or Greasy Sae? Hmm? Hmmmmm?

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** has blocked **Peeta Mellark**.

~FIN~

_Let me know what you think so far!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Seneca Crane **created the event **The 74th Hunger** **Games**.

**President Snow **and** 11 937 others **like this.

**Katniss Everdeen**, **Peeta Mellark** and **22 others** are attending.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen **added **Tribute** to her work/occupation.

_**Peeta Mellark **_added **Tribute **to his work/occupation.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: Mom? I know this is all sudden and I don't know what you think about me in the Hunger Games and all...

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: ...

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: I'm pregnant.

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: I'm tied onto the railroad tracks. The train's coming my way.

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: Look, District 12 might build a new hospital!

**Mrs. Everdeen** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: Oh! Why didn't you just say so?!

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Mrs. Everdeen** a private message: That's what I thought... :/

**Mrs. Everdeen** posted on **Katniss Everdeen's** wall: Hey sweetie? Go kick some butt.

**Katniss Everdeen **sent** Mrs. Everdeen **a private message: Thanks mom. :)

* * *

**Mrs. Mellark: **Buy our new cakes at the Celebration tonight! Only $ 4 each.

_Comments:_

**Peeta Mellark**: Mom? Your son is going to get slaughtered and all you think about is money?

**Mr. Mellark**: That's ridiculous. We care about you.

**Peeta Mellark**: Really? :D

**Mr. Mellark**: Oh yes my boy. I bribed Katniss into killing you fast and painlessly, in exchange for some fresh cookies. She'll even throw some flowers on your dead body!

**Peeta Mellark**: I'm eternally grateful. -.-

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen **posted on **Madge Undersee's** wall: Thank you for the mockingjay pin and all.

**Madge Undersee** posted on **Katniss Everdeen's** wall: Your welcome! That's what's friends do, right?

_Comments:_

**Peeta Mellark**: "I don't do friends"? We'll see about that. I will make you SWOON!

* * *

**Gale Hawthorne** posted on** Katniss Everdeen's **wall: Thrash those puny little Careers for me, will ya?

**Katniss Everdeen **posted on** Gale Hawthorne's **wall: Will do Captain. Take care of my family for me?

**Gale Hawthorne** posted on** Katniss Everdeen's **wall: I consider them my own. Not to fear, they will be a part of ours one day.

**Katniss Everdeen **posted on** Gale Hawthorne's **wall: What?

**Gale Hawthorne** posted on** Katniss Everdeen's **wall: Auto-correct. Now go on. The train's about to leave.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen**: What a big baby. Peeta Mellark's crying! Suck it up bread boy.

**Gale Hawthorne** likes this.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark**: One last time, I smell the bread in my oven, the coal nobody's lovin'. This is so crazy, my head's in the daisies. What in the world just happened, I feel like crappin'. Do I come out with my life, or do I lose my "nice"?

**Delly Cartwright** and **245 others** like this.

_Comments:_

**Delly Cartwright**: Peeta! Marry me! I love you!

**Posy Hawthorne**: Why aren't you famous! You're so cute!

**Hazelle Hawthorne**: You know where my house is.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Good job boy, getting the ladies.

* * *

**Effie Trinket**: Thank you District 12! Until next year, keep digging!

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen**: Digging your grave.

**Gale Hawthorne **and** 2047 others **like this.

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy**: So long everybody. And Mr. Hawthorne, don't let those tears ruin your pretty little face. ;D

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen**: Watching the reaping re-caps. Why didn't anyone tell me my braid was falling apart? :o

**Haymitch Abernathy** likes this.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark**: Nothing like annoying the life out of your prissy Capitol baby sitter. We're from District 12. We can handle anything they throw at our way. :)

**Katniss Everdeen **and **Peeta Mellark **are now friends.

~FIN~

_Let me know what you think so far!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Haymitch Abernathy**: I think I just... vomited?

**Effie Trinket **likes this.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark**: Giving my mentor a bath, I think I'd rather be in the Games.

_Comments:_

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Be sure to clean EVERYWHERE.

**Katniss Everdeen** likes this.

**Peeta Mellark**: Dear goodness, Katniss save me.

**Katniss Everdeen**: You're own your own, bread boy.

**Peeta Mellark**: Aren't we friends?

**Katniss Everdeen**: PANEMBOOK friends is not the same as real friends.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: True, I was wondering how you ended up with so many friends on here. You're not very likable.

**Effie Trinket** likes this.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen**: Prim, if your reading this, be safe. And tell that cow Buttercup that it'd be more useful as soup.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: My advice : Stay alive. Am I a great mentor, or am I a great mentor?

_Comments:_

**Peeta Mellark**: That's hilarious. But not to us.

**Katniss Everdeen**: I'm beginning to think you won by everyone else forfeiting.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Oh lookey here. We've actually got some spitfires, haven't we?

**Mrs. Mellark**: #teamkatniss. Katniss, when you come home with all the money and nice house, my son Rye is looking for a nice girl...

**Peeta Mellark**: Mom. That's low. Even for you.

**Mrs. Mellark**: Shut your mouth boy. All that baking has made you fat. You could win by rolling everyone over.

**Katniss Everdeen**: No way Mrs. Mellark, I am never, ever, not even if I'm skinned alive and roasted slowly over a pot of burning oil, EVER becoming your daughter-in-law.

**Peeta Mellark**: ...

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy**: So you really want to know what'll get you through the Games? Get people to LIKE you.

_Comments:_

**Peeta Mellark**: On it. Just posted a Twelve Direction cover. Staring into the eyes of millions of girls everywhere. Singing sweetly. Feeling the conection.

**Haymitch Abernathy **and** 6921 others **like this.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Good start.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** updated her location to** The Capitol**.

_**Peeta Mellark **_updated his location to **The Capitol**.

_**Haymitch Abernathy **_updated his location to **The Capitol**.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** is now friends with **Venia**, **Flavius** and **1 other**.

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen**: I feel like a plucked chicken.

**Venia**: I'm sorry dear, you're just soooo haiiiirrryyy! Eeeeeeee!

**Katniss Everdeen**: Ahem.. uh–thank you for all your work. We just don't have much cause to look nice back home.

**Octavia**: Oh you poor thing! Such a lovely girl. My bets are certainly on you!

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Well played.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen **is now friends with** Cinna**.

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen**: I feel odd, like I've met him in another life. And he's a complete stranger but it feels personal.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Well, he has seen you naked. About as personal as you can get.

**Peeta Mellark**: WHAAT?

* * *

**Peeta Mellark **is now friends with** Portia**.

_Comments:_

**Peeta Mellark**: Guess what Katniss? Portia has seen me nude too. :)

**Cinna**: Back off dough boy. Portia is mine.

**Katniss Everdeen**: Dough boy. Impressive.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen**: Opening Ceremonies here we come! But what to wear?

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** Screw that. I have a feeling we're going naked.

**Peeta Mellark** likes this.

_Comments:_

**Gale**: I swear to... Mellark, mess with her, and you'll wish you were never baked... I mean born.

* * *

**President Snow: **What a spectacular beginning to the Games! Those chariots are lovely as always. My– hold on– what a stunning beauty from District 1. And those legs–

_Comments:_

**Glimmer**: Heeeheee ;D

**Cato**: You're lucky that you're the President. Otherwise...

**Marvel**: Woah woah. Bitch, back off, she's mine.

**Cato**: ...we'll see about that.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark**: Wow, here I am. Holding your hand. Just the two of us.

**Katniss Everdeen**: I can feel a connection. -.-

**Peeta Mellark**: I know right?! :D

* * *

**President Snow**: Welcome tributes to the 74th Annual Hunger Games Opening Ceremonies! As I can see, you have done a stellar job in presenting your asses– um, I mean assets. I wish you good luck in your journey to become Victor which shall bring you honor and glory. Thank you.

_Comments:_

**Glimmer**: Call me maybe?

**President Snow**: Heyyyy, sexy laady!

**Seneca Crane**: Oh. My. God. Not again... Mr. President, it is against the rules...

**President Snow**: Care to join us?

**Seneca Crane**: Never mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Katniss Everdeen: "**They say I'm up and coming like I'm fucking in an elevator." In an elevator. Ready for the Gamemakers.

_Comments:_

**Haymitch Abernathy:** Go get 'em girl!

**Peeta Mellark:** Good luck babe. ;D

**Gale Hawthorne:** What. the Fuck. Peeta Mellark, I will squish the dough out of you.

**Peeta Mellark:** Come at me, bro. Katniss + Peeta forever.

**Gale Hawthorne:** Ah. Peenis forever?

**Peeta Mellark: **Damn you.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** First arrow shot.

_Comments:_

**Haymitch Abernathy:** And?

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** Second shot.

_Comments:_

**Haymitch Abernathy:** And?

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** Third shot.

_Comments:_

**Haymitch Abernathy:** Damn it woman! What happened?

**Katniss Everdeen: **Sworn to secrecy, remember? Can't tell.

**Haymitch Abernathy: **IT'S OKAY IF YOU TELL US.

**Katniss Everdeen:** Okay. I shot the Gamemakers.

**Haymitch Abernathy:** See, that wasn't so hard. It all worked out.. Wait...

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen **posted on** The Gamemakers **wall: What? Kat got your tongue? ;)

**Haymitch Abernathy **likes this.

* * *

**President Snow **sent** Seneca Crane **a private message: This. Is. Ridiculous.

**Seneca Crane** sent** President Snow** a private message: She's got fire.

**President Snow **sent** Seneca Crane **a private message: Fire will burn us all down!

**Seneca Crane** sent** President Snow** a private message: She's an underdog.

**President Snow **sent** Seneca Crane **a private message: That's what I was. Now look at me.

**Seneca Crane** sent** President Snow** a private message: She has a nice butt.

**President Snow **sent** Seneca Crane **a private message: Okay, keep her...

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** ELEVEN! HELLS YES TO THE 1 TO THE 1!

Comments:

**Haymitch Abernathy:** So proud. :'( My little baby, off to destroy people. Touching.

**Peeta Mellark:** Well, I got an eight? Huh? Huh?

**Mrs. Mellark:** YOU GO GIRLFRIEND! BEAT THE DAISIES OUT OF THOSE LITTLE SHITS! :D

**Gale Hawthorne:** I believe it is... beat the katniss out of those little shits. Good job Catnip. :)

**Mr. Mellark:** Yes, we're celebrating your obvious victory right now. Lots of cake! And money!

**Peeta Mellark: **You know what 'dear family'? Fuck me.

**Gale Hawthorne:** No thank you.

**Rye Mellark**, **Mr. Mellark** and **Mrs. Mellark** like this.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** Ha ha! So the little bun got scared and ran away. Haymitch says we're being coached separately now. Well I got news for you Peeee-ta! CAN'T BAKE THIS!

_Comments:_

**Mrs. Mellark:** Oh yes we can! Buy our Katniss cakes now on sale!

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman:** Ladies and Gentlemen of Panem! The 74th Annual Hunger Games Tribute Interviews will commence now!

**13 725 others** like this.

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on** Glimmer's **wall: So Glimmer... you're looking gorgeous tonight.

**Glimmer** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: I got dolled up for one person, and one person only.

_Comments:_

**Cato:** Mine. Mine. Mine.

**Marvel:** Hit me baby!

**Cato:** What'd I tell you fuck face? Back off!

**President Snow: **Glimmer. You are my teenage dream.

**Glimmer: **EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I love you santa baby!

**Marvel:** What the hell...

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on Cato's wall: Cato, my boy! Wow. Hold on folks. Look at those muscles... This is no boy.

_Comments:_

**Marvel:** Yeah, he's a hamster.

**Cato:** Shut up. Caesar, do you wanna feel them?

**Caesar Flickerman:** Can I? :D

**Clove:** Not very impressive...

**Cato:** You little–Wait. Clove? Is your profile picture actually you?

**Clove:** No doofus, it's my dog. Yes, that's me.

**Cato:** I like what I see... um... do you wanna watch me work out or something...?

**Clove:** This better be good. Or my knife meets your neck.

**Cato:** Don't worry. You'll have the time of your life. ;)

**Clove:** Stick to hitting on those punching bags, not on me.

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **District 5 Female Tribute's** wall: So... what's your name?

**District 5 Female Tribute** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: I don't know. You tell me.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **District 5 Female Tribute's** wall: No seriously. I need to know.

**District 5 Female Tribute** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: Let's just call me Loo King Good.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **District 5 Female Tribute's** wall: Okay, Loo King Good... nice name.

**District 5 Female Tribute** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: Thank you. :)

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Rue's** wall: Hello little girl.

**Rue **posted on** Caesar Flickerman's** wall: What the hell is wrong with you. Do I look little? Tell that to your wiener. That's who's little.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Rue's** wall: Sorry Rue, you are a big girl.

**Rue **posted on** Caesar Flickerman's** wall: Now your calling me fat?

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: Good day Thresh.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: How do you do?

**Thresh** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: Good.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: That's wonderful. Are you excited for the games?

**Thresh** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: No.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: Is your family happy?

**Thresh** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: No.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: Are you happy?

**Thresh** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: No.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: Well, will you be happy?

**Thresh** posted on **Caesar Flickerman's** wall: When I use your head my potty plunger.

**Caesar Flickerman** posted on **Thresh's** wall: Moving on.

~FIN~

_Hello! What do you think so far? If you want any random pairings thrown on, let me know and I'll see if I can fit it in. D._


	5. Chapter 5

**Haymitch Abernathy** posted on **Katniss Everdeen's** wall: Remember what I said. Get them to LIKE YOU.

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen:** Damn it! I don't want to be nice. Every single person in that room is betting on my life!

**Cinna:** Hey, cheer up. Pretend you're talking to me. Like I'm the only one watching.

**Katniss Everdeen:** Well, in that case...

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman:** Well, hello Katniss. Nice to meet you.

**Katniss Everdeen:** Hello Darling. ;)

**Caesar Flickerman: **Uh-yes. So, the Capitol. Must be a big change for you, am I right?

**Katniss Everdeen:** Change is inevitable in life. But babe, the one thing that remains constant is you.

**Haymitch Abernathy:** She's laying it on quite thick.

**Caesar Flickerman:** Phew, I'm sweating. Haha. Look at that. Ahem. Now-where were we? Ah, yes. You're sister.

**Katniss Everdeen:** ... What about her?

**Caesar Flickerman:** You volunteered for her! District 12's first in years! Everyone is dying to know why.

**Katniss Everdeen:** I'm sure she wouldn't be able to handle the brute force of the games. She's not a Roman. Unike me. Caesar. I could be you're Roman. Your Roman goddess.

**Caesar Flickerman:** Okay, folks, we're out of time for this uh-energetic young lady! Good luck Katniss Everdeen.

* * *

**Cinna:** Well, uh, that was nice. Katniss, you did well. I suppose.

**Katniss Everdeen:** Thanks Cinna! You're a great friend! I didn't even know what I was saying half the time! I just followed your advice!

**Cinna:** Well, I hope it worked. Maybe more people like you know.

* * *

**President Snow** created the private group **Katniss Everdeen's Fan Club**.

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman:** Peeta, my boy! You're looking fresh tonight. How does it feel to be in the spotlight?

**Peeta Mellark:** Well, sir, I'm quite used to it. My oven gives off as much light.

**Caesar Flickerman:** Haha, quite the joker this one is I'm sure. I'm aware that you are a baker. And you're parents are as well. How is the business going?

**Peeta Mellark:** Well, they are certainly making a profit out of inevitable death.

**Mr. Mellark** likes this.

**Peeta Mellark:** See, what I mean? Everybody's against me. :(

**Caesar Flickerman:** Oh sorry, I was just putting in my bet for Katniss Everdeen. Did you say something?

**Peeta Mellark:** ...

**Caesar Flickerman:** Haha, jokes jokes. Not really. Anyways, how's you're lovelife?

**Rye Mellark:** Non-existent!

**Peeta Mellark:** Oh, go away. Well, I'm in love wiith this one person, but I think they hate me. It's quite saddening.

**Caesar Flickerman:** And who's this sugar puff? This lucky bagel?

**Peeta Mellark**: Well, this person's got the most beautiful olive coloured skin, dark lovely hair-and these gorgeous grey eyes-

**Katniss Everdeen:** What. the Fuck.

**Peeta Mellark:** Noooo! Don't hit me. I'm sorry!

**Katniss Everdeem:** Really? Really? Wow. I never would've guessed.

**Haymitch Abernathy:** It's quite obvious. He talks about you all the time.

**Katniss Everdeen:** Wait- what? Me? ME? He likes me?

**Peeta Mellark:** Um-haha, who'd you think?

**Katniss Everdeen:** Err. Gale.

**Peeta Mellark:** ...

**Peeta Mellark:** Well.

**Peeta Mellark:** OH DEAR GOD OF WHEAT, SAVE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE.

**Peeta Mellark:** And who the hell would be in their right mind to like that crazy tard?

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy** sent **Gale Hawthorne **a private message: Stay strong sweetie buns.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Haymitch Abernathy** a private message: So what's the deal? Why is bread boy in love with me now?

**Haymitch Abernathy** send **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: Yeah, give me a second there sweetheart.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark** sent **Haymitch Abernathy** a private message: Oh pleeeease let this last. It's a good idea, right?

**Haymitch Abernathy** sent **Peeta Mellark** a private message: It's not bad boy. I think we could pull it off. Think you can handle faking love?

**Peeta Mellark** sent **Haymitch Abernathy** a private message: Hay, can I be honest with you?

**Haymitch Abernathy** sent **Peeta Mellark** a private message: Yes, I am naturally this stunningly attractive.

**Peeta Mellark** sent **Haymitch Abernathy** a private message: I kind of love her hehe. LOL, I'm sweating right now. She's just so beautiful and kind and smart.

**Haymitch Abernathy** sent **Peeta Mellark** a private message: I have no idea what you're on, but if it makes you this delusional to think Katniss is so perfect... Could I have some?

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Haymitch Abernathy** a private message: Hello? Haymitch! Answer me.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark** sent **Haymitch Abernathy** a private message: I know she can seem a little rough on the outside, but inside, she's got a heart of gold.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Haymitch Abernathy** a private message: Goddamit, answer me you fucker. I will skin you alive and feed you to the rats if you don't answer in the next 30 seconds.


	6. Chapter 6

**Katniss Everdeen** has updated her location to **The Rooftop**.

**Peeta Mellark** has updated his location to **The Rooftop**.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** posted on **Peeta Mellark's** wall: Quit following me, will you?

**Peeta Mellark** posted on **Katniss Everdeen's** wall: Nuh-uhh. I was here first.

**Katniss Everdeen** posted on **Peeta Mellark's** wall: Whatever. I don't want to argue.

**Haymitch Abernathy** posted on **Katniss Everdeen's** wall: That's a first.

**Katniss Everdeen** updated her status: UAGH! I HATE the world! HATE IT!

* * *

**Peeta Mellark** posted on **Katniss Everdeen's** wall: Hey, are you alright?

**Katniss Everdeen** posted on **Peeta Mellark's** wall: No. No, I'm not. I'm sick and tired of the world against me. Everyone thinks I'm some sort of a psychotic monster, but I'm just a girl.

_Comments:_

**Gale Hawthorne:** Ugh, that says it all. Girls are so annoying. All they do is following you around like a dog. I mean just because you slept with them once, doesn't mean that you're their true love.

**Madge Undersee:** HEY, take that back you bastard. I let you sleep with me because I pitied you. I mean since Katniss left, you've been looking kinda down lately.

**Gale Hawthorne:** Well, understandably, she's my best friend and she might die.

**Madge Undersee:** Well, I'm sure Peeta will take care of her. Won't you hun?

**Peeta Mellark:** On the honour of a baker's butter, I promise. Nothing will ever happen to Katniss.

**Gale Hawthorne:** Good. Nothing. Nothing should even lay a finger on her. NOTHING. I mean you.

**Peeta Mellark:** No guarantees, hehe. ;) Why Gale, you want some?

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy** posted on **District 12's** wall: Okay everybody. There's a couple minutes left until the Games start. I just want you to know, that no matter how many drunken abuses I may throw at you, I love you to pieces.

_Comments:_

**Peeta Mellark:** Hear hear. I'm getting a little emotional.

**Cinna:** I'm proud of you Katniss. You've come along way.

**Katniss Everdeen:** Thanks Cinna. You're a good guy.

**Haymitch:** ... Portia?

**Portia:** Hmm. Uh, thanks for the lols Peets. I'll miss you. YOLO.

**Peeta Mellark:** What does that mean?

**Portia:** I dunno. I think it means live life with caution, it's a really old saying.

**Peeta Mellark:** Well, I'll take it. Here's to my friends! I love you all dearly.

**Haymitch Abernathy:** Go get em' you two. Go get em'.

* * *

**Claudius Templesmith:** Hello ladies and gentleman to the pre-show of the 74th Hunger Games. Here me and my buddy Caesar Flickerman talk about all things cool and fun right before the Games. We have all the scoop on the tributes, the bets and the pre-game scandals. So without further ado, let's get started!

**Caesar Flickerman:** It's good to be here Cloudy. So many smiling faces. I'm sure you're all very excited. have you placed your bets yet?

**Audience:** YES! Woooo.

**Caesar Flickerman:** Haha, well it's a Caesar salad of predictions. Pun intended. Leading in the predictions, like their predecessors, are the pair from District 2, Cato and Clove. Their odds of winning have skyrocketed since the interviews and people are getting ready to see what they're all about!

**Claudius Templesmith:** But hold up! We have two surprising contenders that are hot on 2's trail. Thresh from District 11 is slowly but surely stacking up bets in his favour, leading a close trail behind Cato and Clove. And my, he looks ready to tear this place to the ground!

**Caesar Flickerman:** And one of the star-crossed lovers, Katniss Everdeen. Making the biggest impression on our hearts from the moment we saw her. Katniss Everdeen swept us away with her charm and skill, scoring an 11 during training, undoubtly the biggest surprise from the outer districts.

**Claudius Templesmith:** We took a visit down to District 12 to interview her close friends and family to see what they thought of the girl on fire. Here is the transcript below.

* * *

**Claudius Templesmith** updated his location to **District 12**.

**Caesar Flickerman** updated his location to **District 12**.

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman:** Ah here we are in District 12. Oh look, a lady is coming to meet us.

**Mrs. Mellark:** Ooh, tv people. My name's Mrs. Mellark, but the folks here call me Cleopatra. I've been told my nose is an exact replica of hers.

**Claudius Templesmith:** Of course ma'am. Mellark, did you say? Why, we have a Mellark in the Games as well. Peeta Mellark.

**Mrs. Mellark: **Ah, yes, him. My boy, Peeta. I bit round in the middle, but what can you do, right? Personally, I'm a bit surprised with all the attention the girls are giving him, he's got all the looks of a decomposing cow. Now I know a real looker. My son Rye. RYE. RYE! Come on sweetheart.

**Rye Mellark:** Uh, hi guys.

**Claudius Templesmith:** Hello Rye. How're you doing?

**Rye Mellark:** Alright, I guess. How's Peets?

**Mrs. Mellark:** Hmm, your hair needs a little more oil. Anyways, Rye, these are the big men from the Capitol. They're in charge of the Games.

**Rye Mellark:** Yeah, mom, I know. Ouch, stop pinching me.

* * *

**Mrs. Mellark** sent **Rye Mellark** a private message: Smile harder you oaf. Nobody's going to marry you if you sit there and slouch.

**Rye Mellark** sent **Mrs. Mellark** a private message: But I don't want to marry a girl!

**Mrs. Mellark** sent **Rye Mellark** a private message: Yes you do. Mother's know best. Now stand straighter. Hands out of you're pocket. And stop tapping your foot for heaven's sake.

**Rye Mellark:** BUT I'M GAY!

**Rye Mellark:** ... Oh, I thought I sent a private message.

**Mrs. Mellark:** ... WHY DID I SPEND ALL MY TIME TRYING TO FIND A GIRL FOR YOU? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER. NOW I HAVE TO FIND A NICE BOY FOR YOU TOO?

**Rye Mellark:** No, mom, wait!

**Mrs. Mellark**: AH, I HAVE TO EDIT ALL YOUR ONLINE DATING PROFILES AND I HAVE TO...

**Claudius Templesmith**: We're just going to leave them alone. Moving on.

* * *

**Caesar Flickerman:** Oh, there's a strapping young man over there. We could ask him.

**Claudius Templesmith:** Hello young man.

**Gale Hawthorne:** Uh, can I help you?

**Caesar Flickerman: **My name's Caesar Flickerman and this is Claudius Templesmith. We're here just to ask you a few questions on Katniss Everdeen. Is that alright?

**Gale Hawthorne:** Uh, sure. Shoot.

**Claudius Templesmith**: How well do you know Katniss?

**Gale Hawthorne:** We grew up together.

**Claudius Templesmith: **Oh, how perfect that we found you. So you're practically siblings?

**Gale Hawthorne:** Well, I wouldn't put it that way...

**Caesar Flickerman:** What's your opinion on the star-crossed lovers of District 12?

**Gale Hawthorne:** Katniss can make the right decision. She's smart. I trust her.

**Claudius Templesmith:** I'm sure you're quite protective of her. What do you think of Peeta?

**Gale Hawthorne:** Ahh... well, we're not on great terms.

**Claudius Templesmith:** Oh, well that's too bad. He's a charmer. What do you think of Katniss's achievements?

**Gale Hawthorne:** I'm proud of Katniss. If you're watching Catnip, I hope you're safe. I love you.

**Caesar Flickerman:** Aww, that's sweet. If only you two weren't related, I'd swear you would be a good looking couple.

**Gale Hawthorne:** Yeah, hehe.

**Caesar Flickerman: **But we don't want any incest, haha.

**Gale Hawthorne: **Right.

**Caesar Flickerman:** ...

**Gale Hawthorne:** ...

**Caesar Flickerman: **Bloody backwards district. Alright crew, let's move out.

~FIN~

_I personally loved writing this chapter the most. Partly because of the ending._


	7. Chapter 7

**Katniss Everdeen**, **Peeta Mellark** and **22** others have updated their location to **The Arena**.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark** posted on** Katniss Everdeen's** wall: So, this is it? 60 seconds, and we'll be bitter enemies. Is this what it comes down to? You know the audience will be expecting a show.

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen**: Oh bloody hell, I'll give them a show.

**Peeta Mellark**: Yeah, I was thinking we could add some french kissing in the program, you know, exchange saliva? Make it feel real.

**Katniss Everdeen**: Maybe a little blood too. That would make it feel real. Peeta?

**Peeta Mellark**: I'm in love with a monster.

* * *

**Claudius Templesmith**: 60 SECONDS! Starts now! This is it folks. What you've all been waiting for. The start of the 74th Hunger Games! The competition looks fierce with some key characters but the tides have been shifted before, and I have no doubt they will again.

**Caesar Flickerman**: Yes sir, and the clock is ticking down, mere seconds away from the GONG! Yee hoo, lets take teh camera back to our tributes.

* * *

**Cato**: Unh-unh! Burn baby burn! Feel the thunder! UNH!

**Clove:** This isn't a grunting contest, Cato! Calm those hormones.

**Cato:** I CAN'T! Someone is going to die.

**Clove:** Boys.

**Glimmer**: *sigh* Girl, tell me about it.

**Clove**: So it didn't work out between you and Snow?

**Glimmer**: Well, he said we were a world apart and some thing about my imminent death, but I wasn't really listening, you know? My heart was beating too loudly. I think, I think it's broken.

**Clove:** Yeah, that's not good. Um, good luck?

**Glimmer:** I mean, at least we're engaged.

**Clove:** Wha–

* * *

**GONG:** GONG!

* * *

**Claudius Templesmith:** Okay! That's it, the Games have begun! Many of the tributes are racing towards the tree cover but a few are still here to fight! Let's take a closer look at what's happening.

* * *

**The 74th Annual Hunger Games'** wall:

**11 Tributes** have closed their accounts.

_Comments:_

**Cato:** Get some, get some! That's half of them gone already!

**Marvel:** No doofus, 8 out of 24 is 1/4th. A quarter of them are gone.

**Cato:** Uh, no, a quarter is 25. Will you stop messing around? Retard can't even add properly.

**Marvel:** But–

* * *

**Clove **created the group** The Careers**.

_Comments:_

**Clove:** There, are we all happy? We have a group name, that should form some unity.

**Cato:** Oooh, what about a slogan?

**Clove:** Fine, so long as it's appropriate–

**Cato:** We'll kick you right in the crack!

**Marvel:** Yes, bro!

* * *

**Clove**, **Cato** and **4 others** have joined **The Careers**.

_Comments:_

**Katniss:** Wait, who's the sixth member? There were five of you. I counted.

**Marvel:** Well if your counting is anything like Cato's...

* * *

**Claudius Templesmith:** Oh, just thought I'd mention this. Now would be a good time to TURN OFF your location services.

_Comments:_

**Unnamed Tribute:** NOOOO!

**Cato:** Boo yeah, 12 down, 11 to go!

**Clove:** Yes Cato, you can count, good boy.

**Glimmer:** Shouldn't we have heard a canon by now?

**Marvel:** Good job Cato, you didn't kill her properly.

**Cato:** I DID. GO CHECK THEN.

**Clove:** Okay, Lover Boy, go check.

**Clove:** ...

**Clove**: Oi, Lover Boy, make yourself useful. Go check if she's dead or not!

**Peeta Mellark:** SHHHHHHUSH. Oh, damn it.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: Eh-hehe. Sup gurl.

_Comments:_

**Katniss Everdeen**: Coward. Backstabber.

* * *

**Claudius Templesmith:** What a sharp change in events! It seems Peeta Mellark, who recently professed his love for Katniss Everdeen, is joining hands with the very people who want to kill her. What are his motives? And what will happen to the star-crossed lovers?

_Comments:_

**Cato:** Hey Katniss! Peeta's my bitch now. ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Katniss Everdeen** updated her status: Water! Yes! I have found the beautiful molecule.

_Comments:_

**Buy N Large:** Just goes to show that even the Girl on Fire needs water! So buy BNL's Super-Water! It's the H20 you love, but less boring! 20% off for everyone that likes our Panembook page!

* * *

**Seneca Crane** sent **The Gamemakers** a private message: She's enjoying herself too much. Do something?

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen**: Just because my nickname is the "Girl on Fire", doesn't fucking mean I want to be SET ON FIRE!

_Comments:_

**Seneca Crane:** Nicely done, Gamemakers.

**Cinna**: Hey now, er... the flames were Portia's idea.

**Portia**: You little...

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** updated her location to **On Top of a Tree**.

_Comments:_

**The Careers:** Oh, hello.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** What do you want Cato?

_Comments:_

**Cato:** I want to take your little neck and wring it with my bare hands.

**Glimmer:** As in, he wants to kill you.

**Katniss Everdeen:** Yeah, I got the hint, cupcake.

**Cato:** Okay, I'm coming up there. Better start praying now you little bitch.

**Katniss Everdeen:** Praying for you. Ouch, that fall look like it hurt. Don't want those testostorone levels to drop, since you're already this close to making the gender switch.

**Glimmer:** OMG, Cato, baby, are you hurt?

**Peeta:** Guys, leave her. She'll just come up with another wiseass comment about your intelligence.

**Cato:** Tomorrow, 12. That's when you die.

* * *

**Clove** joined **The Career's Chat.**

**Clove:** I'm starting to see why she got an 11. She's clever. Although it doesn't take too many brain cells to insult Cato.

**Peeta:** Yeah, she is definately something.

**Marvel:** What's the big deal with her anyways? She's not even pretty. I'd say a 6 and a half.

**Cato:** You know what buddy, maybe a 7, but that's pushing it.

**Clove:** Women aren't mean to be objectified. Really, we're worth more than just number.

**Cato:** Sure, sorry Miss. Feminist. But, theoretically, um, what would you rate yourself?

**Clove:** Oh, atleast a 9.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** Okay. I seriously need to find a way out of this. And give some serious payback to Cato.

_Comments:_

**Rue:** Psssst. Hey. Girlie. Look left.

**Rue:** Your other left, you dummy. Now, what do you see?

**Katniss Everdeen:** A hive?

**Rue:** A big ass hive.

**Katniss Everdeen:** Ohhh.

* * *

**Glimmer** updated her status: Love my fans! xoxo You guys are the reason I'm here! Lol, stayin alive!

* * *

**Glimmer** and **District 4 Girl** have closed their accounts.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen** and **Rue** are now friends.

* * *

**Cato** updated his status: THAT BITCH!

_Comments:_

**Marvel:** Okay, she's not as naive as we thought.

**Clove:** I was trying to tell you. But no, no one listens to me. I've got more brains than both of you put together.

**Cato:** SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHHHHHHHH-MAKE ME A GODDAMN SANDWICH.

**Marvel:** Uh, oh. Bro...

* * *

**Cato** has changed his gender to **Undecided**.

* * *

**Peeta** **Mellark** has left **The Careers**.

_Comments:_

**Peeta Mellark:** KATNISS, run!

**Cato:** Traitor, huh? I thought we had something, Peeta. Nevermind. You will pay.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen:** Thanks, Peeta.

* * *

**Rue** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: So, you and Peeta, huh?

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Rue** a private message: None of your business. He's just a–I don't know.

**Rue** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: Gurl, that boy just saved your life. And he's probably paying the price. Unless, you have another babe back home?

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Rue** a private message: Yeah–sort of.

**Rue** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: Well, I still don't see the problem! Live large! Get yo freak on. Risk it! Peeta's hotter than the bread in his oven. Your lover back home won't even know.

**Katniss Everdeen** sent **Rue** a private message: You know there's cameras watching our every move.

**Rue** sent **Katniss Everdeen** a private message: I had a lover once. His name was Edmundo. A little small but nonetheless–

* * *

_If you got the PIXAR reference, then you must get off the computer and go kick a ball. Seriously. Review for Rue?_


End file.
